The fear and the courage. Where's the end? Nobody knows. No, not that I don't know how to prioritize, I just don't want to.
So ironic. I spilled everything out when I was supposed to walk away. Great. Huge dilemma.
Life... What's the exact definition for it? Probably I think too much, probably I'm being pessimistic, probably everything's gonna be so fine. And I really wish that's the case.
I don't wanna explain, but I'm so afraid....
Saturday, March 17, 2012
♥ 2:53 AM
Tuesday, March 06, 2012
At this point of time, I'm feeling really happy and lucky and everything positive! I love how things are happening in my life right now and I hope everything's gonna stay this way for as long as possible!
I can get really happy and excited over little things. I'm easily contented, just a small gesture and I can feel like as if I own the whole world, hahaha.
Gonna hit the sack now and look forward to whatever that's gonna happen this week! :)
I can get really happy and excited over little things. I'm easily contented, just a small gesture and I can feel like as if I own the whole world, hahaha.
Gonna hit the sack now and look forward to whatever that's gonna happen this week! :)
♥ 2:10 AM
Monday, February 27, 2012
My head felt so heavy recently. I don't know if it's because of prelims/exams or there's other things as well. To many people, I'm probably someone who is really indecisive and can't decide things on my own but I'm actually someone who has alot of plans, be it for my future or for whatever things. I just didn't want to voice out because I don't want to upset anyone with my decisions in any ways. I'll feel insecure whenever things are not within my plans.
I feel so far away from everything suddenly. I thought I was somewhere near but actually, I'm still so far away from what I actually planned. Especially when I get to know some of the decisions that were already made. I wasn't exactly shocked but hmm I don't know how to say too. I just thought he'll do even better in other options. Think through it for the whole night and came to realize that I'm in not position to say if the decision is good or bad cus at the end of the day, it's the passion that we're talking about here.
I just felt like I'm pushed back from everything. But then again, since when things will go accordingly to our plans? It'll be so damn stupid to be arguing over passion because everyone has got their own passion. I'll be lying if I say I'm not affected by the decision but then I think being supportive is even more important. I'll be supportive as long as he thinks that that's the best for him :)
My 3 wishes last year were not fulfilled yet. Probably I should be more practical this year. Haha. I wish...........
Okay bye world!
I feel so far away from everything suddenly. I thought I was somewhere near but actually, I'm still so far away from what I actually planned. Especially when I get to know some of the decisions that were already made. I wasn't exactly shocked but hmm I don't know how to say too. I just thought he'll do even better in other options. Think through it for the whole night and came to realize that I'm in not position to say if the decision is good or bad cus at the end of the day, it's the passion that we're talking about here.
I just felt like I'm pushed back from everything. But then again, since when things will go accordingly to our plans? It'll be so damn stupid to be arguing over passion because everyone has got their own passion. I'll be lying if I say I'm not affected by the decision but then I think being supportive is even more important. I'll be supportive as long as he thinks that that's the best for him :)
My 3 wishes last year were not fulfilled yet. Probably I should be more practical this year. Haha. I wish...........
Okay bye world!
♥ 12:19 AM
Thursday, February 23, 2012
22nd with my favourite girls.
I wasn't really in the mood of celebrating my birthday because prelims are coming and I'm so stressed up by the prelims. But Peixian and Shirley made me pick a day to celebrate my birthday with them!
Lenas + Ben and Jerry's
Cupcakes baked by Peixian!
They never fail to spend the effort to celebrate my birthday for me. Can still remember the first time they came to my place to surprise me when they don't even know my unit number! And the second time they ganged up with my family and gave me that surprise!
The big handmade card that they made!!
They were actually waiting for me to reach home at my house when I was outside celebrating birthday with my friends!
I've been telling boyf how grateful I am to have them as my best friends. We didn't know each other for long, like maybe about 4 or 5 years? But they're really somebody whom I felt really comfortable with! Ever since we graduated from poly, we're all busy with our own lives. Busy with school, work, r/s bla bla. We don't get to see each other very often, even if we do, it's just a short little dinner to catch up. There's alot of times when we wanted to meet up but for one reason or another, we couldn't. I remember we've been saying we want to meet up before CNY for a mini reunion dinner but in the end, we didn't managed to. We only managed to meet up today!
Simple love the understanding between us. Because we know we have different schedules from each other so we'll never fault each other for not being able to meet up. Love how we can joke about the stupid quarrels that we had! Love how we can laugh at the slightest thing together! We can laugh over the same thing over and over again. We have a list of things that we wanna do, but we just didn't had the time for it. Totally miss the good old days in poly when we always plan our own activities every week!
Such a coincidence that the 2 of them and boyf are Aries. So... Love all the Aries people in my life :) :)
I wasn't really in the mood of celebrating my birthday because prelims are coming and I'm so stressed up by the prelims. But Peixian and Shirley made me pick a day to celebrate my birthday with them!
Lenas + Ben and Jerry's
Cupcakes baked by Peixian!
They never fail to spend the effort to celebrate my birthday for me. Can still remember the first time they came to my place to surprise me when they don't even know my unit number! And the second time they ganged up with my family and gave me that surprise!
The big handmade card that they made!!
They were actually waiting for me to reach home at my house when I was outside celebrating birthday with my friends!
I've been telling boyf how grateful I am to have them as my best friends. We didn't know each other for long, like maybe about 4 or 5 years? But they're really somebody whom I felt really comfortable with! Ever since we graduated from poly, we're all busy with our own lives. Busy with school, work, r/s bla bla. We don't get to see each other very often, even if we do, it's just a short little dinner to catch up. There's alot of times when we wanted to meet up but for one reason or another, we couldn't. I remember we've been saying we want to meet up before CNY for a mini reunion dinner but in the end, we didn't managed to. We only managed to meet up today!
Simple love the understanding between us. Because we know we have different schedules from each other so we'll never fault each other for not being able to meet up. Love how we can joke about the stupid quarrels that we had! Love how we can laugh at the slightest thing together! We can laugh over the same thing over and over again. We have a list of things that we wanna do, but we just didn't had the time for it. Totally miss the good old days in poly when we always plan our own activities every week!
Such a coincidence that the 2 of them and boyf are Aries. So... Love all the Aries people in my life :) :)
♥ 1:56 AM
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
My Valentine.
He still remembers the promise which he made last year. He promised to make it up to me this valentine's day because our last valentine's day wasn't a pleasant one. I was busy kinda busy lately and I didn't really have the time to prepare his gifts so I told him not to get anything for me and I just want a simple dinner (I meant it this time round ok, hahahaha).
He was rather secretive about the dinner when I asked him what I should wear. He didn't asked me to dress up and told me to wear something comfortable and so, I decided to wear denim shorts with spag top + cardigan and slippers. Comfortable whatttttttttt. Met him up after he's done with his work and I think he was kinda shocked to see me in that outfit hahahaha. Decided to catch a movie before dinner and we were slacking around in the car since there's still some time before the movie. And thennnnn, he told me he actually prepared a small gift for me.
It's a calender which he customized it himself! There's our photos inside and he even put in all the captions.
He marked out all the special dates with little comments in it. He even went to the extent to check out my exams date and marked out for me!
It's not really an expensive gift but it's so sweet and I was so touched that I almost cried, hahaha. I felt very guilty cus I only made him a card and then and then, I left a space on the card which was meant to put a photo but I didn't had the time to print out the photo so I asked him to go home and paste the photo in himself since he has our photos (I know I'm such an ass, hahaha!).
And he said because he didn't had the time to buy me a proper gift, he decided to bring me to a restaurant at Crowne Plaza Hotel (Azur) for dinner. I was SOOOOOOOOO under-dressed and I was like begging him to drive me home to change my outfit but he refused. I was wearing slippers lehhhhh. But stilllll, I was looking forward to the dinner :)
The food was really nice!
And sooooo, we decided to end of our day perfectly by taking a romantic walk at Changi Beach. But thennnnn, I started having diarrhea and we had no choice but to go back home. I felt so bad because he spent so much for the dinner and yetttt I had diarrhea just right after the dinner, hahaha.
I'll be really satisfied with a simple dinner with him, but he actually planned all these for me because he said I was so upset with him last year that's why he decided to plan everything way beforehand this year, hahaha. Love him for whatever that he's done :)
He still remembers the promise which he made last year. He promised to make it up to me this valentine's day because our last valentine's day wasn't a pleasant one. I was busy kinda busy lately and I didn't really have the time to prepare his gifts so I told him not to get anything for me and I just want a simple dinner (I meant it this time round ok, hahahaha).
He was rather secretive about the dinner when I asked him what I should wear. He didn't asked me to dress up and told me to wear something comfortable and so, I decided to wear denim shorts with spag top + cardigan and slippers. Comfortable whatttttttttt. Met him up after he's done with his work and I think he was kinda shocked to see me in that outfit hahahaha. Decided to catch a movie before dinner and we were slacking around in the car since there's still some time before the movie. And thennnnn, he told me he actually prepared a small gift for me.
It's a calender which he customized it himself! There's our photos inside and he even put in all the captions.
He marked out all the special dates with little comments in it. He even went to the extent to check out my exams date and marked out for me!
It's not really an expensive gift but it's so sweet and I was so touched that I almost cried, hahaha. I felt very guilty cus I only made him a card and then and then, I left a space on the card which was meant to put a photo but I didn't had the time to print out the photo so I asked him to go home and paste the photo in himself since he has our photos (I know I'm such an ass, hahaha!).
And he said because he didn't had the time to buy me a proper gift, he decided to bring me to a restaurant at Crowne Plaza Hotel (Azur) for dinner. I was SOOOOOOOOO under-dressed and I was like begging him to drive me home to change my outfit but he refused. I was wearing slippers lehhhhh. But stilllll, I was looking forward to the dinner :)
The food was really nice!
And sooooo, we decided to end of our day perfectly by taking a romantic walk at Changi Beach. But thennnnn, I started having diarrhea and we had no choice but to go back home. I felt so bad because he spent so much for the dinner and yetttt I had diarrhea just right after the dinner, hahaha.
I'll be really satisfied with a simple dinner with him, but he actually planned all these for me because he said I was so upset with him last year that's why he decided to plan everything way beforehand this year, hahaha. Love him for whatever that he's done :)
♥ 4:05 AM
Sunday, January 29, 2012
It's only the first month of 2012 and it's alrd so happening for me. It got me so demoralized about this year, there's practically nothing for me to look forward. Things really get so complicated each year. Suddenly I realized how simple my life was in the past, no complicated problems, all I'm worried about was my parents not giving me the freedom that I wanted.
I failed too badly... Be it as a friend, daughter, gf or whoever. I won't deny how fortunate I am, I felt protected by the people around me but I can't deny how useless I felt too. Probably I really don't understand but they don't understand either. I don't want to just share the happiness, I wanna share some of the stress/burdens too, be it big or small, I'll feel so much better and happier rather than everybody telling me not to worry about anything. How to? Sigh if only anybody can understand exactly how I feel now without me explaining.
I felt way too touched. He's been doing so much more than what a bf should be doing. It's really so much more but I only just get to know this. My tears couldn't stop flowing even when I think about it now. Compared to him, probably what I've done is nothing.
Okay time to stop emo-ing about everything! It's time to brace myself up. It's definitely not a good start of the year but I'll make sure things get better! Gonna fight against all odds. I've strike off all my resolutions for this year and just replaced it with one really simple resolution. I hope this simple resolution of mine can be achieved. Bye world!
I failed too badly... Be it as a friend, daughter, gf or whoever. I won't deny how fortunate I am, I felt protected by the people around me but I can't deny how useless I felt too. Probably I really don't understand but they don't understand either. I don't want to just share the happiness, I wanna share some of the stress/burdens too, be it big or small, I'll feel so much better and happier rather than everybody telling me not to worry about anything. How to? Sigh if only anybody can understand exactly how I feel now without me explaining.
I felt way too touched. He's been doing so much more than what a bf should be doing. It's really so much more but I only just get to know this. My tears couldn't stop flowing even when I think about it now. Compared to him, probably what I've done is nothing.
Okay time to stop emo-ing about everything! It's time to brace myself up. It's definitely not a good start of the year but I'll make sure things get better! Gonna fight against all odds. I've strike off all my resolutions for this year and just replaced it with one really simple resolution. I hope this simple resolution of mine can be achieved. Bye world!
♥ 2:33 AM
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Probably... I expect too much. No, I wasn't disappointed in you. I'm disappointed in myself. I'm supportive but on the other hand, I really wish you can stop being so busy for awhile, stop moving so fast and enjoy the last few moments that we have before you graduate and get even more busier with your stuffs. How to not feel heartpain when all I see is the tiredness in you because you're working so hard for the future and yet I'm standing at the same spot not moving?
Maybe it's time for me to catch up and take up some of the burdens. I know it's all for the future, I shouldn't have expressed my unhappiness to you and make you feel worse. Sorry.
Looks like I have to strike off that little wish of mine off my wishing list. Time for me to double up. We can and will get through this tgt. Just 11 more months to end off this year.
Maybe it's time for me to catch up and take up some of the burdens. I know it's all for the future, I shouldn't have expressed my unhappiness to you and make you feel worse. Sorry.
Looks like I have to strike off that little wish of mine off my wishing list. Time for me to double up. We can and will get through this tgt. Just 11 more months to end off this year.
♥ 1:55 AM
HELLO
Xiaowei
19
27.02.90