because im very pessimistic, that's why im always thinking about the bad things first before i think about the good things.
because i cant control my tears from flowing, that's why it flows non stop.
because i mind alot how people think of me, that's why i made myself so miserable.
because very very minor things can affect me alot, that's why i cried like shit.
because im thinking of the impossible, that's why i forced myself to hold back.
because i cant afford to lose anybody, that's why im trying my best to please everyone.

if this is pms, it's the worst pms ever.

to make it worst, my grandmother was hospitalised. i saw how she forced herself to swallow the pills. how?

i thought family members are all supposed to be nice to each other because we are all one family? but... why is she like that? if she isn't my relative, i swear im gonna give her one tight slap and ask her to shut the fuck up. i might sound like some spoilt brat who's being bloody rude. but who's the one being mean.
i've heard too many times how she bloody treats my grandmother. i've seen too many times how she pretends to be nice to my grandmother when we are around and how she causes troubles to my grandmother when we arent around. please dont bloody make it looks like all of us owe you a living. we dont owe you a single thing.

i know im whining again. i'm _________.


i cant cheer up. nothing makes me happy now. nothing.