She's really gone.. It hurts so much, really hurts so much.

I went to the hospital on Monday. My uncles and cousins were at the hospital too. I went in to call her, she did not respond. My mum told me she won't be able to hear it alrd. We all kept calling her to wake up and talk to us, she got no response. My uncle told my mum that her soul is alrd gone. The doc told the adults to be prepared for the worst. All of us cried, wishing that she'll wake up and talk to us for the last time.

My uncles asked my mum to go back and rest so I went back home with my mum and dad. Baby came to bring me out for supper. When he sent me home, he hugged me and I really couldn't control my tears. I was so scared actually. Even though all of us kept saying we're prepared for the worst, I believe none of us were actually prepared for it. When I reached home, just stepped into my room, my cousin called. My hands were trembling when I picked up the call. The bad news that none of us wanna hear. I had to go in to my parents' room and break this news to my parents.

We rushed down to the hospital to see her for the last time. I saw her lying on the bed not moving, not even breathing. All of us broke down, she's really gone... I called her ah ma for the last time. I held her hand for the last time and her hand is so cold. After everything, we went in to the mortuary to see her. Our hearts were so pain cus her body was tied up by a plastic bag. She no longer has to suffer all the needles and pain anymore. She's free from all the pain.

The most common words said during the wake '不要哭, 阿嬤很好命了'. All her children, grandchildren and great-grandchildren were there to send her off. She must be really happy to see so many people. The last day was the worst. The band was there to play all the sad songs, tears were everywhere. All of us sent her off her last journey. We all screamed for her during the cremation. 真的很舍不得.. Heart hurts too much, especially when I see my mum lost control, it's double the pain.

I went to her room on the last day. I saw her bed, her wheelchair, her everything. All the flashbacks came back. Please be fine at the other world ah ma. We will always, always remember you. It's a special Christmas this year that I'll never forget. 再见了 toa payoh 阿嬤.